Week 6 - The Impossible Life: Weekly Reflections on Faith, Pain, and Triumph

Elizabeth Ford
Jun 1
4 min read

Week 6: The Day I Chose to Live

By Elizabeth M. Ford

When Surviving Is Not Enough

There is a moment in life when surviving the day is no longer enough.

There comes a time when you do not just want to get through the next hour. You want to live. Fully. Authentically. Peacefully.

Leading up to my first marriage, I had gone through plenty of boyfriends. All different personalities, all leaving a different kind of void in me. I later realized I was not searching for a man’s love at all. I was searching for a father’s love.

It took having children of my own and reconnecting with my dad for me to finally understand the difference. The pain I carried was not romantic heartbreak. It was the ache of a daughter wanting to feel safe and chosen.

Even When the Relationship Ends, the Patterns Stay

As I finished college, I was working a full-time job. I should have felt empowered. But instead, I was under the leadership of a boss who reminded me of my ex-husband in too many ways. Controlling. Manipulative. Passive-aggressive.

I remember going to a dentist appointment one day. It was supposed to be a routine visit, but I ended up needing a deep cleaning which extended my appointment by almost an hour. During that time, my boss was texting and calling repeatedly. I remember feeling my body sink with shame and anxiety as I watched my phone light up with messages.

When I finally returned to work, his tone said it all. Anger. Disappointment. Disdain.

These kinds of men are not only in relationships. They show up everywhere. At work. In leadership. In authority. And when you have been conditioned to feel small, it can feel impossible to escape them.

Living in Fear at Work and at Home

For years, I stayed in that job pretending to be someone I was not. I worked hard to stay on my boss’s good side, but the fear was always there. If one thing went wrong, he would withdraw and punish me in silence. He would praise others around me and ignore me completely, as if I had become invisible.

At home, my marriage was falling apart. I was scared and overwhelmed. And now work was just as toxic. Both men, in different ways, treated me based on how they felt in the moment. I walked on eggshells in both places.

Eventually, I reached a breaking point. My ex was finally gone. I was done being afraid. I handed in my resignation.

The Guilt That Tries to Follow You

I will never forget the moment I tried to give my notice. My boss would not even let me speak to him about it. He simply told me to slide the letter under his door.

He knew how to make me feel small. How to turn everything around so I would feel guilty for leaving. Guilt was something I knew too well.

When you have spent years letting people walk over you, guilt becomes your shadow. Getting through guilt trips is one of the hardest parts of healing and letting go. But I pushed through.

I left the job. I left the marriage. And for the first time in a very long time, I began to breathe freely.

Letting Go Does Not Mean You Are Weak

Letting go does not mean you failed. It means you were brave enough to say, “This is no longer okay.”

It means you chose yourself.

It means you stopped apologizing for being exhausted.

It means you stopped waiting for someone to choose you and finally chose yourself.

Freedom came.

And healing began.

The Truth I Am Still Learning

No, I am not perfect. I still catch myself apologizing for things I did not do. I still have moments when my voice trembles out of habit. Peacekeeping at the cost of my own peace used to be second nature.

But every day, I get stronger.

With the support of my husband, Mr. Ford, and the love of good friends, I am healing in ways I never thought possible.

This Week’s Truth: Guilt Is Not a Sign You Are Wrong

If you feel guilty for walking away from toxic people or places, remember this. Guilt is not always truth. Sometimes it is just the echo of old control.

You are allowed to be free.

You are allowed to grow.

You are allowed to move on.

You are not who they said you were.

You are who God says you are.

Overcomer Challenge

Write down one place in your life where you are still carrying guilt.
Ask yourself honestly, Did I actually do something wrong, or was I just afraid of upsetting someone?
Say this out loud: I release the guilt. I choose peace.